Last night I had 15 minutes of pure silence. Little Miss G was asleep. Mr H was at the gym. The TV was switched off and so was the radio. The noise of an ordinary London day was replaced by a quiet Tuesday night where there were no sirens, no traffic, no road work, no drilling, no mystery pianist.
Nothing. Stillness. Tranquillity.
I heard my heart beating. I willed my brain to stop thinking and my mind to stop racing. I willed my breath to slow down. Something sad is about to happen in my life and I will be dealing with it soon, but in that silence I found peace.
Even when Miss G is not screaming or crying, there is still plenty of 'noise' in my head. Being a mother is forever questioning what is best for her, for me, for us. When I am not being a 'mother' there are still the million existential questions that dominate my mind. What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I? What's next? There never is true silence in my life. When I am about to fall asleep the noise is even louder. The mental lists. The snoring husband. The books I want to read and I have no time for. Noise. Noise. Noise.
Last night there was silence and it caught me by surprise and it made me bask in its beauty. A breath of fresh air amongst all the internal and external noise. It might not happen again for a while, but it was too beautiful not to think about it today. Thanks for reading and may you all have some peace in your life.